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I'd sit in the closet, briefs around my knees, watching her and hurting for her, hurting with her, wishing I could hold her and tell her that it would be alright somehow.Karla and I had claimed the attic of the new house as soon as we saw it. The previous owners had made it into a rec room for their kids, dividing it with bookshelves so that a quarter of it, closest to the stairs, was a small kitchenette: shelves, a small sink, a microwave and a tiny fridge. The rest was set up as a large TV room, with a circle of couches and end tables around a 5 foot square low table, and a second, much smaller, circle of loveseats over in a corner. We didn't put a television up there, but we had brought up my old stereo.Our mother had a very lenient drug policy, at least so far as pot and liquor were concerned. Hard for her to be too tyrannical when she herself smoked recreationally and drank socially. We could smoke and drink, but only at home, and we could never tell anyone that she was cool. You don’t need to. You grab my hand, pull me up and lead me into the house. As we walk in, I stop you and pull your half naked body into mine. I softly kiss your cheek, grab your hand and take over the lead. I guide us up the stairs, through the kitchen, then the lounge and finally into my bedroom. The huge windows in front of my bed give that same endless view of the Pacific. We both freeze in our tracks, captivated by it once again. The wind is building. There are now scattered white caps out to sea, though there is a cosy bliss about watching it from behind the shielding of the windows. I feel the urge to hug you and squeeze you tight, to protect you. I haven’t felt this way about anyone before now, much less a person that I have only known for an hour. I have several notebooks open on the bed that are filled with my sketches and ideas for other designs I am working on. You gather them all and gently pile them on my reading table. Watching you do this, I notice how much care you.
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